Shahira Ab. Ghani

I’ve just arrived home from attending the funeral. It has been a long day and I still can’t get it off my head.

As I saw her body being lowered to the ground today, memories of us together came flashing back.

I met Shera last when I treated both Yati & her to a belated birthday lunch at Itallianies The Curve only last Friday.

She was her usual chirpy self but I also saw that she was extraordinarily radiant. I felt it in my heart but it didn’t quite make it to my mouth.

We had lunch as usual, making jokes about everything, our kids, our jobs, the waiter... while polishing off everything on the plates. Of course we shared everything we collectively ordered – shrimp linguine, fried calamari, beef lasagna and crème brulee.

As we hugged and kissed before we parted ways, I told her her hair smells delicious. It was as baby-soft as ever but without the brown natural highlights she used to have. A few kisses and hugs and she was gone. As quick as lightning. That’s her- quick, no-nonsense, little miss speedy Gonzales.

And then her brother called me at work yesterday to deliver the news.

It was a horrible accident on her way home from school at about 3pm.

He couldn’t confirm what exactly happened but apparently she hit a lorry. Her neck and head broke. She died when they arrived at a clinic.

She wasn’t driving her own car. It was a brand-new red Savvy that belonged to her sister-in-law. And she has been complaining that something’s wrong with the accelerator/brake.

At the funeral today, she looked calm and beautiful. Her mum was weak and weary and her daughters were solemn but curious, unaware of the magnitude of the situation. Syafiq was just inconsolable.

He made Yati & I promise we’d come visit him and the kids. Her mum wanted us to always think of Shera’s kids as our own.

I saw so many TESL 5-ians today I’ve lost track. It’s heartbreaking to be gathered again under such unfortunate circumstances. Shera would have loved to play host to our gathering, in fact not one conversation passed by without her mentioning of one.

My darling Shera – may you rest in peace. You will be greatly missed. We didn’t get to have our all-girl shopping trip to Bandung , u won’t make it to my house in Melaka after all and I’ve been meaning to tell you this, I think your blog name’s really witty.

You are a strong and selfless woman, often putting the needs of others first ahead of yours. You are a wonderful, efficient and doting mother & wife. Most of all, you are a reliable, rock-steady, fabulous friend.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku engkau cucurilah Rahmat ke-atas roh Shahira binti Hawa dan engkau tempatkanlah dia di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin.

Must. Write. More.

I have got to start writing more.

It's nice to read other people's blogs that get updated often. And man, can people write. It blows my mind at how they can walk their thoughts so carefully and orderly. Me - I don't have such energy. Cut me to the chase and just hit me with it already.

Also, I wait till I have something good i'd like to remember and then I pick up the feather. Otherwise, well, sorry... afraid it won't make the cut.

I don't know how this happened. I'm not proud of this, you know. I used to be quite the writer when I was in school.

My essays have been read out loud in class and more than one lecturer have told me that I've got the flair. In fact, one made me write out a whole new one in front of her because she thought I took my sentences from somewhere, when I was, hello, talking about `my embarrasing experience'. `My'. Mine. Go figure.

So that's saying - people don't throw up reading my stuff.

What on earth is the deal here then..?

I'm thinking it's coz sometimes I just forget this is my space and that I can do whatever the hell I want with it. Guess you could call it `blog-shy'.

And then when I get home, between breastfeeding my baby, my girl's homework, my husband's updates and everything in between, the reasons not to write snowball even more.

But I've got to get back in the game. I've got to, I've got to, I've got to.

Especially since I'm pursuing my doctorate soon and of course the fact that I'm an academic. I'm a researcher. I'm a writer. It's my business to write. Publish or perish, is the mantra drilled day in and day out.

And the sad thing is, I love writing. Most people don't.
So what the hell is the matter with me.....? Get on with the program already...!

I give myself way too many excuses sometimes..sigh..

Just get on your freakin arse and do it!

Excuse my French.

Watch this space..

Alhamdulillah

Syukur alhamdulillah.
I've received a DS52 promotion today.
Thank you Allah for your blessings and rezeki.

My heartfelt gratitude goes out to my family, friends and especially to my soulmate- my dearest husband, for all the love and unconditional support. I couldn't have done this without you.

So, if any of u can make it to Melaka, lunch is on me (^_^)

Sarah's ride

I was test driving strollers the other day and finally settled on this one. It's a Peg Perego and it's loaded with fun, convenient features which just pleases me to no end! It snaps shut and open real nice and compact, and it has steps at the back for an older brother or sister to stand on and cruise along, much to my elder daughter's delight! And as for mommy, why push one when you can push two? (^_^)

Also has a huge shopping basket underneath for mommy's convenience.. I can foresee lots of trips with us girls when daddy's out on outstation or out on his futsal games.. nice..

My Sarah

And here's the other light of my life, my 8.5 month old, Sarah.

Also drama princess in training.

Milestones: Climbing on everything every chance she gets and can't sit back down on her own. Tertonggek-tonggek kalau nak duduk..

Expert crawler.

Consonant of the week- m & l. Nangis pun `lalala!!'

Mama's milestone: Still fully breastfeeding (^ _ ^) X sangka i made it this far.. huhuhu.. Semoga Allah permudahkan..

A decade ago

As highlighted by a yahoo groupmate, this year is the 10th year anniversary of my University graduation.

In 1998, I stepped out into the world, armed with a degree, ready to save the world.

What the hell did I know then.

Today, as we grapple with increasing petrol prices, dirtier air, clowns posing as politicians and the possibility of having no rice in sight, I'm lucky if I could save even myself.

Looking back, I'm convinced things are better.

In 1992 I went into Matriculation and discovered myself. I had no clue who I was before.

In a few months I blossomed into something I never knew I had in me.

In a year plus, I was pretty kickass, winning first place in the Girls' College Student Body Election, getting fantastic grades, earning myself a first boyfriend, a handsome hockey player from another Matriculation college who couldn' take his eyes off me ;-)

I was smokin' hot and nothing could get in my way.

I smooth-sailed through University and never really had to struggle, juggling studying, having fun, boys and everything in between. Never mind that I didn't have much money then, I always managed to laugh my way through.

Studies were even dangerously exciting. Everything was last minute and assignments were completed at the 11th hour. Especially the Grade A ones. The secret? Damn insightful group discussions.

I'd have to thank my group members for such intriguing group discussion sessions -we discussed everything, the assignments, the projects, the finals. It was the musyawarah concept, the unselfish heart to heart discussions, the spirit of teamwork and solidarity that did the job.

Those few years had me discovering traits that shape me into who I am today and I also make lifelong friendships that gets me through life.

I learn to stare at problems in the face, gets stared right back and then gets pushed down. I pick myself up, brush the dust off and move on.

And now.. I'm financially sound, I'm blessed with a beautiful family, my parents are relatively healthy and I love my job.

But nothing beats a decade ago.

With fond memories, TESL 5 PPP/UKM - thank you for the fun times, the heartbreaking moments, the grow-up lessons.

I am what I am because of you.

My Sufya

Meet Sufya, my 7 year old iron-fortified, honest-to-goodness drama princess. Don't let that sweet face fool you for one second ;-)

I'm a Breastfeeding Mom

I love this story on breastfeeding. And yes, I'm a fully breastfeeding mum to my 8 month old baby.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck: Pumping and returning to work

View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, 30, and her husband, Arizona Cardinals player Tim Hasselbeck, welcomed son Taylor Thomas on November 9th 2007, joining big sister Grace Elisabeth, 2 ?.

In her latest blog for Dreft, Elisabeth fills us in on her love-hate relationship with pumping, explaining it's use to Grace and returning to work."I thought I was safe in my room with the door firmly shut. It was the last day of my first week back at 'The View.'

Truthfully, I was exhausted. It was 8 am. I had a little while before I had to be in the office. I took a moment, closed my eyes, and somehow fell asleep over the loud, obnoxious sound of the pump,'Mommy, what in the WORLD is THAT???'

Totally startled, I sat straight up, only to see the cute little expression on Grace's face after she posed the question. Too tired to make something up, I told her it was a pump.'Why is your body in there?' she pressed on, eyes closely examining the tube/funnel/bottle contraption. 'So that I can give Taylor my milk when I am at work.' 'Ohhhhhhhh... That's cool and funny.' (Yeah... my sentiments exactly...)

'Can I pump too???' 'One day, you can pump milk for your baby.And, in an oh so very 2 year old moment, she firmly stated: 'But I want to do it now!'

Since that day, Grace is unphased by the pump. I wish I were too. I mean, I am thankful to have a great one, and that there is a way to be at work and still nourish your child, and keep moms from becoming engorged to the point of high fever...but I still hate it. I do. I feel as if I have three kids: Grace, Taylor, and THE PUMP!"

My latest toy

Behold.. ladies and gentlemen, my latest indulgence. My spanking brand new Chevrolet Captiva, 2.0 Turbo Diesel.

There are many gorgeous SUVs around, but this one takes the cake.

And apparently this one is well worth its value too. Well I'll let my husband worry about the technical mumbo-jumbo..

while I worry about driving it to work and turning heads.

It's actually a trade-off with my husband, the deal is I pursue my phD locally instead of overseas and he gets to proceed with his business here instead of dropping everything off and coming with me..

and I get a car of my choice.

Well, it's a tough choice aint it.. me, having to throw away a childhood dream and sacrificing one of my main objectives in life and all..

but will u look at this baby?

Well, i'm ashamed to say that I took one look and I'm sold. The rest, as they say, is history.

So welcome to the family, handsome! (^_^) A free ride is up for grabs! Anyone?

U'd think

Being an academic, you'd think that you'll be in a world where things are treated objectively and corrupt-free-ly. You are, after all, in the business of knowledge and it's not who you know, but what you know. Heck, it's even what u preach in class everyday.

Hell, I'm still sad to report that it's still bloody who you know that counts.

Drinking buddies, brown-nosing suck-ups still rule the day and still get ahead.

When many other people deserve the chance and they're not even considered.

It's sad, frustrating and pathetic all at one go, isn't it?

And when u're inside, cakap salah, tak cakap pun salah. Sikit-sikit kecik ati, tak puas hati.. pas tu, siap la markah prestasi, jangan mimpi la nak dpt 90% and above kalau bukak mulut lebeh-lebeyy (not that I give a shit)

Sigh, camne nak maju.. bangun la bangsaku, bangun..