Lega

Oh my goodness.. I feel so relieved.

My wonderful supervisor, Dr. Supyan of UKM (some of you might remember him) has suggested that I take a semester off during my maternity leave to unwind and relax, and come back fresh in June to resume.

Why the hell didn't I think of that before?

I was feeling a soo down, thinking of all the work I need to catch up on, I even woke up every morning a heavy chest, knowing I have miles and miles to go before I even reach a milestone.

Now this leave would give me a chance to catch up!

Yay! I actually feel an overwhelming sense of hope and happiness, like the sun has decided to shine on me again. Syukur alhamdulillah! It was like I'm given a 2nd chance in life, and a death row has been lifted of me.

Thanks Dr. Supyan for a brilliant idea. Let me just sort out the paperwork for that, I really hope there aren't any glitches anywhere, and I will make you proud. I will treat the deferment as catch up time and my work will be top-notch, top of the game quality, you'll see!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

God Bless You! Syukur!

I just hate it when..

I have a feeling someone is mad at me but I'm not sure why..

The scan

I just came back from another gynae scan today, at 34 weeks along, and yes, it's pretty much confirmed.
I'm having another girl (^_^). My third child will be another daughter.
I feel very blessed. Praise be to Allah.

But why do people keep giving me pitiful looks and comforting words? Am I not supposed to feel happy? Oh, because she's not a boy.

I didn't realize we still live in biblical times.

How do I put this? Seriously, honestly, genuinely, I'm very, very happy. I can't say it enough. I sound like a broken record already. There's no reason why I shouldn't be.

And yet people take it upon themselves to comfort me somehow. I'm going to have a beautiful, healthy baby soon but because she doesn't have a penis, people tend to feel sorry for me. With her arrival, apparently i'm not filling some kind of `quota', so, `I should keep trying'.

Yes, I'm going keep trying after this but only because I want more kids, not because I need a baby boy to feel complete! So wait a minute, are you calling me inadequate? Huh? huh?

My poor baby, not even born and yet already being discriminated against.

If only people know how difficult it was for me to get pregnant in the first place.
If only people know how difficult it is for some people to have kids even.
If only people know how many kids are left unloved and uncared for.

This one will have parents and 2 elder sisters who will dote on her unconditionally.

It's never enough with these folks. And trust me, they get younger and younger nowadays.

If you're single, they'll ask you when you'll get hitched. If you do get married, they'll bug you about having a kid. Then when you do have a child, they'll pester you about having another one right after the 2nd birthday party.

Then if you're blessed with 2-3 kids but of a single sex only, they'll start offering advice on having one of the other!

Do these people really mean well like they say they do? I have a feeling some plot of conspiracy is conjured behind our backs, where the more miserable we get, the more points they score.

My 30-year-old very-successful single engineer sister has 2 elder sisters to tell our mum to back off. One uncle even married another because the first wife couldn't produce boys, when really, if you know a pitiful amount of science like I do, hello, it's like the male that produces the chromosoms that determine the sex of the baby.

Sigh. There's just no pleasing everyone, is there?

The good news is, at this age, I don't feel the need to. I know my 2 girls and husband are ecstatic and highly anticipating this arrival, and that more than does it for me.

So there's only one thing to do about these `well-meaning' folks.
Stop telling people about the scan and just shrug, `entahlah'.

And then they will bug me when the baby's born! Haha.. it just never ends!

I love being pregnant because..

.. it's the only time when ANYTHING is bigger than my boobs. Haha..

Morning sickness at 35

I dunno if it's the 3rd pregnancy, or the fact that I'm 35 this year.. but boy, did I have it hard! My morning sickness was so bad that I remained horizontal most of the time and couldn't find the energy to do most things. And darn, that sucked.. big time..
I loathed the sight of the computer screen, reading were just blurry lines after 5 minutes and get this, the thought of food repulsed me.
Everything I'd never thought I'd be.
Forget driving, forget phD research, forget eating.
I was going from pajama to pajama, day in and day out, wishing I'd hit 4 months so it would all be over.
While vowing never to get pregnant ever again.

Hye

I haven't written in a while.
Between my short holiday trips and reading for my research, not much has happened.

I must say this though, I'm getting bored with staying home.
Never thought I was the stay-at-home type and this has confirmed it.
As a good friend said, phD is one long, lonely journey.
Never thought I'd agree with her so soon.

And yet, I would hate going back to work either. Last I heard, things got crazier there.

And so, here I am, at home, in my tees and capris, trying to make sense of how I'm going to cope for the next 2.5 years. While catching up on my 1000 books & articles to read for research.

Sigh.. I feel sad and alone and bored.

Guess I'm not too cut out for this phd-business after all.

Buat passport baru

Kakak renew passport.

Adik buat passport baru.

Mama... surf airlines website...

(I can't start my studies yet... I have to go somewhere first and get this travel bug out of my system.. Earghh!!)

My new role

As of last week, I begin a new chapter in my life... as a phD student.
I've cleared my office, said goodbye to my colleagues and will be on leave for the next 3 years.

Funny, all i can think about is travel, travel, travel! Hehe..